Monday, April 28, 2008

It's over...

...so last night was the end of my show...you know, the one with all the cameras that tape the every move of 13 strangers...ya I'm hooked. Anyway, Baller won and I was very pleased, after all, he was the weirdo of the show and I tend to go for the underdog. He won $500,000 and plans on doing good things with it - or so he says. Who really knows what these reality TV winners do with their money. Of course, the logical thing to say when wanting people to vote for you would be to "give to others less fortunate" or "help the children in Africa" or "give to a charity"...but do they really do that? The first guy who won Survivor didn't do as he had planned...well, unless avoiding to pay taxes was his plan and going to jail is cool where he's from...then maybe he did exactly what he wanted. I think it's OK to say that you're going to live like a rich man and spend money on yourself and your family....heck...isn't that what you're going to do? Let's face it, most people aren't going to devote all their winnings to help everyone else around the world...likely they went on the show cause they were broke and needed money...so spend it. Anyways, now my Chatty Friend, Corrections Man, Master T and I need to find another show to watch together. Hum...we'll have to wait and see...

Oh and remember a while back I talked about "Shorty or Shawty"? Well there's a new girl on the block now. Don't know if she's competing with Shorty or if she was around before and is back in town...anyone know "Boo"? Apparently Chris Brown wants to hang out with Boo...or so he says in his new song "With You".

"I need you boo, (Ooh) I gotta see you boo (Hey) And the hearts all over the world tonight, Said the hearts all over the world tonight"

When I hear the name "Boo" I can't help but think...

"Hey Boo-Boo...what do I see? A picnic basket, just for me!" - Yogi Bear

I hear the Boo song all the time on the Satellite Radio. That one and the new Rihanna one...oooooo, not a fan....sorry girl...here's the lyrics to the first verse...

"You look so dumb right now...Standing outside my house...Trying to apologize...You’re so ugly when you cry...Please, just cut it out" -Take a Bow, Rihanna

That's the first verse...man, it sounds like something you'd make up on the spot and just make up a melody. I can do that too...

Boy my fingers are sore...cause they are coooold....and my nose is runny....it's it funny?

Maybe I should become a songwriter...

Friday, April 25, 2008

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty...

...so I went to Xmas Club the other day and had a blast. My friend, Nursemaid, was hosting and she planned a scavenger hunt all over Pdot. I was on a team with Preggo#2, Shawty-White, Adildo and the Nursemaid just came along for the ride. Well we were off...5 teams of 4 driving around like crazy people all over the west side. Some of the tasks involved doing things with strangers so we were in luck cause Shawty-White is a towny and doesn't know many people in Pdot...we were pumped. Also, Adildo and I have grown up in Pdot all our lives so we have connections...again, we were set.



We went to the school, found an ambulance, scooped ice cream, stood on a boat, walked a dog, served someone dessert, found a specific windmill, pumped some gas, found an out-of-province licence plate, found a tall person to stand next to Shawty-White, ran around a ball field...and did a few more...BUT the funniest task was to find a Wharf Cat. At one of the wharves in Pdot, there were hundreds of these cats just roaming around from dumpster to dumpster....but apparently not anymore so this became a very hard task. We were on our way towards the ice cream shop and were wondering how to find a cat...so we decided to improvise. The plan now was to find a cat, bring it to a wharf and then take a picture with it pretending it lived there. Now the problem was to find this darn cat...who has a cat...we were running out of time...then I had an idea! My farty cousin lives near there and she has a cat...we could go "borrow" it as I knew she wasn't home since she was on another teams....but her mom and dad should be at the house! It was decided and we were off. We got to the house and I knocked on the door...these were my relatives so I wasn't afraid to ask...no one answered so I opened the door...no one was home but here comes kitty, peaking around the corner...I thought for a moment...then said what the heck...I took the cat! I came out of the house with the cat and my team is in tears laughing so much. We brought it to nearby wharf, put seaweed on it's head and snapped the pic. We brushed kitty off and threw it back in the house...hahaha...we were still laughing! When we got back to team headquarters to see who won, I showed this pic to my farty cousin and she said ... "gee, that looks like my cat!" HAHAHA we couldn't hold it in any longer...we burst out laughing and told her the story of us cat-napping her kitty....she thought it was hilarious....thank goodness!



"what's new pussycat...wooooahoooooahooooahh..." - not sure, but it was on a commercial of some kind a while back!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Whatever it's called...

...so i'm sending my taxes in today. That place has changed names so many times that I have no clue what to call it anymore. I did work there and really enjoyed it, but it doesn't mean I can't be annoyed to send them my money. There's one thing in particular that really bugs me and it's that we need to pay postage to send our return. Oh and it's not only 59 cents either...it's like a buck something because it's a heavy package....arg...not my fault they need to know everything but my shoe size. Every Canadian needs to file their Income Tax and i'm ok with that...well to a certain degree...but anyways...why pay to send the darn thing? It's mandatory so common Mr. Prime Minister...ditch the postage...seriously...is there really a need?

I've done a little research and approximately there are 33.2 million people in Canada. Let's even say that half are not of age to file...now i'm putting my math skills at work and am going to say that that leaves 16.6 million people filing a tax return....and let's say at double postage so that's about $1.18.....that means that the Post Office makes about 19.6 million bucks at tax time. GEESH!!! Isn't that just crazy? So then the government has the nerve to post an article in the paper yesterday regarding the Post Offices and how they need to figure out a way to make it more profitable. COME ON...are you serious? I'd say that $19 million is a pretty good annual income....and that's not counting all the other mailing people do during the year...what more do you want?

Maybe the government could stop changing their name...thus making it a need to purchase all new paperwork and other items they put their stamp on...and give free postage to send our tax returns??!! Isn't that a great idea? I'm so smart sometimes!

"Stop...oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman...wai aaaaaaaat Mr. Postman..." - The Carpenters

Monday, April 21, 2008

The Shame...

...so today was the day I was dreading for the last couple months. I put on my high heels in order to feel important as I walked in the building...click click click...and got to the counter...passed the lady my green piece of paper...and she said what I didn't want to hear - "Are you paying your speeding ticket with debit or credit?" Well how do you answer that? I wanted to say "neither" and tell her to shove it, but it's not her fault I was speeding during Lavoie's shift at 8:20 am on a Friday morning...on the last day of RRSP's...before going to a funeral. It's not her fault that this guy moved to Wdot and has made it his mission to anger the entire community....so anyways, I paid the ticket. $279.50 is now out of my account and into theirs....I'll get over it....later. So I'm supposed to lose my license. Did you know that this is the cops choice? He could have given me a speeding ticket, but waived the lose your license part....but no...not him...my first time ever being stopped and he gives me the full meal deal. ARG! Anyways, I chose to take my week in June so Eric can be home to cart me around like a child.

I guess the high heels helped me diddly-squat...

"You've been hit by a Smooth Criminal..." - Michael Jackson

Friday, April 18, 2008

Pick one...

....so what's up with Polygamy situation in the states? These men have many wives and many children and they live like we're back in 1900...please. You can so tell that a man created this scenario. What an ideal way of life for a man....has home cooked meals and nightly entertainment...if you get my drift...from a different gal each night and the gals don't know any better because they are not allowed TV's, Radios or computers. Common people! Not to say I wouldn't mind having some other lady clean my house and cook meals every once and a while....but she sure as heck ain't spending the night! I feel bad for those kids. They don't know any better...how could they...all they see and hear is that way of life...that a man is far more superior than a woman...that a man gets to have his way 100% of the time....what a shocker when they get to the real world, eh? The day my hubby tells me what to do, what to wear and what I need to do for him is going to be a real scary day on earth. Why can't men be happy with only one wife? Seems to me they must be alcoholics in that commune cause having 5 wives means 5 times the PMS. Watch out after a couple months of all living together and all the women's schedules starting sync-ing up...yikes...beer, here we come! I bet that's the week he goes out and gets a new wife....lucky for him they don't have TV's cause I bet they'd learn a thing or two...Does "Lorena" mean anything to you?

We should start our own commune....the "shut up, give me the flicker and stop complaining" village. I bet that would be interesting....heheheh...imagine that one for a while...

"Stand, stand like a rock....when courage is gone, stand and be strong" - Paul Janz
"Man, I feel like a woman.." - Shania Twain
"Take this job and shove it....I ain't workin here no more!" - I don't know who the artist is on this one.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Ironic...

...so I forgot to mention that my hubby and I had a good laugh this morning. I got this monstrosity of an envelope from Environment Canada and am starting to panic as I open it....I mean, Why would they be sending me such a large package? What did I do wrong now? Did they fine me for my poor garbage habits? OMG...I'm really worked up at this point....and then I open the envelope and find one slip of paper in the envelope. ONE SLIP OF PAPER...in case some of you missed that...yup and it was to let me know that we need to conserve our woodlands. BAHAHAHA...did they have to kill 5 trees to tell me that? Seriously...make a facebook group or something....sending me a huge envelope so that you don't have to fold your loose leaf is ridiculous....saving trees...was that necessary....bahahahaha...i'm still laughing....

"Isn't it ironic...don't you think?" - Alanis Morrisette

Stress...

...so I've been away for a few days and come home a little stressed. Not only do I need to get stressed in Ydot when I go get my Timmies...but now I have to deal with lunatics driving in the city. The Water Towers hit and the swearing begins! There are driving impaired people on the roads and I don't feel that it is necessary. Why aren't those people taking the bus?...that's what I want to know! People who don't understand the concept of a Round-a-bout (aka Rotary) or the idea that if you drive in the far right lane that you might fetch up in a parked car at some point need to take the bus. I spend most of my highway time singing up a storm....then come to the city and spend the rest of my trip swearing at everyone. Geesh people...bus fare is cheap...wouldn't that be better than listening to me and all the other superior drivers of the world utter profanities at you. I'm now stressed...

Now that I've driven around the parkade five thousand times and squeezed in a spot, a gang of us decide to go get some grub. Well we decided to go all out so we ate at the best steakhouse in town. We sit and look through the menu and here comes more stress. Yup...already...the waiter does what all waiters shouldn't do...he takes our drink orders and doesn't write it down! We're a table of 6 so that's a lot of orders and questions about wines...write the darn things down. The whole time he's standing there my blood pressure is rising cause I know he'll mess up and if he comes back with the incorrect beer or returns to ask a question about our order, i'm going to lose it. Write it down people!! Trying to remember orders doesn't make you look smarter...it's just unnecessary stress for both of us...not to mention the fact that it ruins your chance of getting a tip cause if you ask one question or even mess up on the fact that I needed a new knife then you're done. When he came back to get our food orders I asked him if he was going to write it down as I wasn't going to be able to stand it if he didn't....out came the pad of paper and pen....now I'll be able to relax and eat my meal in peace.

This leaves me with one more beef....heheheh...like the reference to my steak? Ba dum bum - CHING! OK...I'm over the cheesy joke, now let's get serious. Sanitary Napkins are a wonderful invention as they are necessary for women all around the world. I'm pleased that the manufacturers have tried to find ways to better the design by adding grooves, wings and length but I do have one problem....PUT SOME FREAKING GLUE ON THE PAD!! Man, how many times do you unravel the pad, stick it on, flip the wings and think you're good to go? Now here comes the part that irks me...you go to pull up the darn thing and VOILA...the top flipped over and your pad is now airborn!...well well well well....it's bad enough we gotta wear them, but to wear glue is even worse. Did a man design these? Do they not know that they have to put enough glue so that it stays in place for the transition from knees to parts?? That's all I ask sanitary napkin people...glue so it stays from knees to parts...

"...and I'll keep waiting...waiting for the world to change..." - John Mayer

Monday, April 14, 2008

Away...

....so I was real busy at work today and am going away till late on Wednesday. I'll post on Thursday....I'm sure i'll have lots to say by then!!! Stay Tuned...

"Aurevoir mes amis...Aurevoir..." - the song I sang in Grade Primary!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Conspiracy Theory...

...so I think there's something going on with the "Roll up the Rim" contest. I won a bunch in the beginning and haven't won anything in about 3 weeks....isn't that odd? I'm thinking they put out most of the winners at the beginning of the campaign so people get hooked, then slowly ween them out. Why would I have won donuts and coffee in the first couple weeks and nothing since? I buy at least 1 coffee per day....sometimes two....and nada., zip, nothing, zero. Hum...could it be that they know I'm competitive and like to win so I'll keep going back to see if I can get a winning cup? Are people winning and it's just me that is unlucky? Should I be getting a life instead of worrying about winning a free coffee?

Something to think about....

"I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee....clouds in my coffee and..." - Carly Simon

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The most exciting day in a long time...

...so I was pumped the other day when I was at the grocery store. Here I am...walking up and down the ailes, browsing for items to fill my pantry...and there it was. Ahhhh...almost like god was shinning down a light from the heaven's just for me to see.....it was on the bottom shelf...so beautiful...so fresh....my heart was racing....it was...A FAMILY SIZED PACKAGE OF KRAFT DINNER!!!! Yup! I could hardly believe it! It's about time they clue in that it was way too small of a box for two people. Kraft Dinner is my all time favorite food....yeah I'm a loser...but it is what it is. I am also the world's best KD maker too. I'll tell you my secrets....

1- Don't look at the instructions on the package.
2- Almost overcook the noodles
3 - Put loads of butter
4- drizzle some milk...no one likes runny KD
5- a dash of pepper is needed
6- never eat leftovers...they are nowhere near as good....and who has left over anyways?

Also, KD is not made to add other unnecessary stuff to the recipe....so all ya'll who add tuna, peas or even other cheese products have got to quit it. There are just some things you don't alter...KD is one of them. KD is also a good thing to eat after a night out on the town. YUM!! I think there should be KD joints around town instead of Pizza. I like Pizza, but KD would hit the spot much better. I often wonder why the spiral KD taste different than regular...have you wondered that too? It seems like that one is more cheesy. weird.

"...But we would eat kraft dinner. well of course we would we'd just eat more..." - Barenaked Ladies

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

" you gotta know when to hold em..."

...so I was reading in today's paper that the Casino is cutting down on staff and machines as the revenues haven't been that great in the last couple quarters. They intend on getting rid of 8 table games, 82 slots and 100-ish staff. They also may take away the free parking and other perks when you gamble in order to make it more profitable. This sounds all fine and dandy...if it weren't a fricken Casino! Basically what the whole article says is that people are getting smarter and cashing out sooner, therefore making the Casino pay out more than normal.....sooooo they want to make it easier for us to lose our money. Well that's just peachy. I want to win when I go gamble...not lose...which the odds aren't really in my favor as is and now will be much worse. By eliminating tables they basically hope that people run to the open seat and stay there super long cause they don't dare get up in case there won't be one when they decide to go back. This isn't a good thing for me as I tend to consume the cheaper beverages thus making me need to run to the bathroom....this could cause problems. Oh, you should know that the Casino has awesome coffee. I am a coffee connaiseur and they do have a good brew....that's just a little tip for next time.

One time I was at the Casino and decided to try my luck at a Slot Machine. I sat down and started playing when I noticed the lady beside me had a few buckets of coins. I was a little jealous, but was getting over it as I started winning a few pulls. She also had a few glasses right beside her with her lipstick on the rim so I could tell she had been there for a while. Within a few minutes she got up to leave and I noticed that her seat was completely drenched. The water was running off the seat and onto the floor....so at first I thought she had spilled her drink till I remembered that she finished hers glass when I first sat down...so that couldn't be it....so I kept playing then clued in...OMG she pee'd on the seat! She literally pee'd on the seat....a lady played the slots so long that she pee'd the seat...I still can't get over it. No wonder she left...sitting in pee must have been real uncomfortable...so that's when I realized that people actually do go crazy when they go to the casino. I thought this stuff only happened in movies, but nope...right here in our own backyard....hard to believe, eh? Pee'd on the seat...can you imagine peeing on the seat? I wonder if she had a spare set of pants in the car? So I guess maybe one good thing will come out of all these cuts at the casino....the adult diaper industry may have a little boost in sales!

"...know when to walk away...know when to run." - Kenny Rogers (Maybe that lady should of taken some advice from this song!)

Monday, April 7, 2008

Hotels...

...so Hubby and I went on an overnighter to Hdot on Saturday. We booked our hotel on Priceline.com...bid for our room...and got a sweet deal at the Westin. I've stayed at a number of hotels in Hdot over the last few months and am noticing a trend. They are all getting renovated to all look exactly the same. It's like the old 70's style is back, but with a better color scheme. I like it and all, but I don't seem to understand the glass panel in the bathroom door. I know it looks right cool and it is frosty so you can't really see in, but it's still a little uncomfortable...especially when you go to pee. You sit on the toilet and stare out the glass panel and can make out the closet across the way. As an experiment, I walked by the bathroom door when hubby was getting in the shower and could clearly make out that he went from clothes to birthday suit to shower. I couldn't see the "parts", but flesh is rather bright so it was a little weird. It's OK when you're just two in the room, but what if we had decided to share...now if I was drying my hair using the mirrors on the closet doors I could see my friends doing whatever in the bathroom. I'm not sure if I like this idea.

The one thing I found rather entertaining is the random questions posted all over the hotel and in our room. We wait for the elevator and here's this brain teaser on the wall...it's quite fun. It said something like this...A truck goes 100 km per minute. The truck is 100 km long and goes over a 100km bridge...how long does it take the truck to drive over the bridge? I'll give you a minute to work this out...but not too long cause I figured it out in a matter of seconds...the answer is 2 minutes! One minute to make it the length of the bridge...and another minute to clear the bridge! Don't you feel smart? I know I did...the closer I got to my room, the more cocky I got. The coasters in our room even had questions too...lots of fun...by the time we left the room my ego could barely fit through the door...I mean, isn't hubby lucky to have such a smart wife....highly educated with the gift of reading and comprehension...a hard combo to find nowadays....oh and hot...I can't forget that part...I wore my new black socks....hottie or what? hahaha...ok now I'm going overboard, but you get the picture.

"...livin it up at the hotel California..." - Eagles

Friday, April 4, 2008

WWJD?...

...so I sit down with my Timmies and start reading the paper and come across the most absurd article I've ever read. I take great joy in reading about people doing absolutely ridiculous things and today was one of those days. So apparently this guy in Barring-dot got caught fishing in an illegal fishing ground near Georges in August of 2006. The Fish confiscators seized his catch and he was given a court date to go fight this. Well he decided to represent himself...first wrong move, in my opinion, but anyways...and he was going to use a Aboriginal and Metis defence. He went to trial and told the judge he's changing his defence...to guess what?.....Jesus made him do it. Oh my...I'm sure it took everything for the Judge not to burst out into a laughing fit....I know I did when I read the article. Oh it gets better....so he then proceeds to enter the bible as Exhibit A and quotes it...no word of a lie...he quotes the bible in court....man oh man...alright....let me quote you what he told the Judge...

New Testament - Matthew 17:24

"Jesus instructed Simon Peter to catch a fish using a hook and line. Jesus said the fish would have a coin in its mouth and Peter was to take it to pay a tax."

He then told the judge that this meant that Jesus wanted him to fish. The judge responded..."Jesus was telling Simon Peter to go fishing...But that was another time and place and had nothing to do with modern Canadian society and fishery regulations." Then he charged him. I'm all for people believing in whatever faith they want to...but to use it as a defence in order to justify an illegal act....that's hardly religious. I know many people live by the question: "What Would Jesus Do?" I harldy think Jesus would fish in an illegal fishing zone....I bet Jesus now wants to whack him upside the head with The New Testament - well that's what I think Jesus SHOULD do.

So I should also tell you that I have a bruise on my forehead. Apparently I need to aim better when entering a vehicle. I go to get in my car last night and as I'm mid way in I thought I heard someone call my name so I turned to see who it was and realized I was just hearing things...turned back real quick and in my descent to my seat I whacked my head on the frame of the car. I just about knocked myself out...how bright it that? I was seeing white blobs for a few minutes then I regrouped and drove home. Now I have a bruise and will need to explain to everyone that I almost knocked myself out with my car.

"I'm gonna knock you out...mama said Knock you out." -LL Cool J
"You and me going fishing in the dark..." - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
"Oh happy day...when jesus washed....ohhhh when he washed....he washed my sins away" - Bebe Winans

Thursday, April 3, 2008

I'm back...

...so I'm back in business....well for the most part. On my way to the office today I was listening to my new Satellite Radio and was singing away till I suddenly thought of a question. Who is Shorty? I noticed a song came on and it was spelled "Shawty", but it's in all the hip hop songs.

"Shawty had them apple bottom jeans...boots with the furrrrr" - Flo Rida
"We could go to the tropics...sip Pina Coladas...Shorty I can take you there" - Sean Kingston
"Shawty get loose, baby do what you do, let me see you let down your hair" - Lil Mama Feat. Chris Brown

This Shorty/Shawty must be a popular gal. She's the gal everyone seems to want...or at least sing about. I guess she must be the "Fabio" of Hip Hop. Not to mention the fact that she's a world traveler. She wears boots with fur (assuming she's somewhere cold) and then next thing you know she's sipping Pina Coladas (likely somewhere warm)....I gotta say...I'm a little jealous...might want to consider applying for her position when she gets too busy. I'm guessing she's a little vertically challanged too cause her name isn't Tally or Tawly. Hum...am I the only one who's wondered this?

Also, last night I was hanging out with my Chatty Friend. She has the Food Network so before I was ready to leave "Iron Chef America" came on. I love this show! I got hooked during the "Free-view" in February, but am too cheap to buy the package that includes that channel so I haven't watched since. Anyways, this show is about chefs who come to "kitchen stadium" to battle an Iron Chef. There is a secret ingredient that they must use in every dish and they have to come up with a bunch of different recipes right on the spot within an hour. I love it because just when you think they're making a stew....they chuck it in a food processor and presto...it's in a squeeze bottle ready to be drizzle over some weird meat/seafood/dessert. It's real interesting. They use strange ingredients too...stuff no one has in their cupboards. Last night the secret ingredient was Oysters. YUK! I predicted they'd make Ice Cream and sure enough....withing 5 minutes they had the Oyster Ice Cream in the machine. I bet that was just delicious....

Have you ever tried Oysters? I have...not something I want to experience ever again...and I'll add seafood sauce to that list too. When I was a kid I had to eat or do whatever the Oceanographer ate or did. I'm sure this is not shocking news to all y'all...anyways Oceanographer and I went and picked Oysters right out of the water. We brought them back to the Sailboat and he opened one and plopped on some seafood sauce...the chunky kind...and told me to slurp it. Ya, this was one of my stupider moments and I soon found myself hurling over the side of the boat. There's something about trying to swallow a snot-textured gob that didn't go over well with me that day....and the sauce...well I can't eat that without thinking of that experience so that's a no go too. From that point on, I stuck to picking out the pearls.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Moving...

...so i'm moving my office. My desk is only half together and that is a match for my office as only half of it is complete. I should have everything organized by next week. THought i'd let y'all know why i've been a little slack with the posts....tomorrow will be better...I promise!

"I'm moving on up....to the East side...."